Becoming Katie Butterfly

Dear Katie Bug, You are such an incredibly person. So kind and brave. You have been through a lot but you haven't let that stop you from fighting and keep moving forward. 10 years ago you were barely surviving high school. You were depressed and suicidal all the time. But some how you still decided to hang in there and fight. 6-7 years ago, you were really sick, barely functioning, not yourself at all. And yes, J took advantage of you, and that's just what it is. You were in no position to consent, or to even know what you wanted. And he was aware of that. Even after all that, you still decided to keep fighting and you did what you had to do to keep on living and to start thriving in life. Getting stable, letting unconditional love into your life, and a job you put everything into. Yes, 2 years ago, what J did to you all came back and you have had to be so brave to face these things and to heal once and for all. And, I can't believe all the progress you have mad...

When I first made this art therapy piece back in February or March, I truly believed that 2015 was finally my year, but this tragedy and sorrow struck. I found out Jeff and I would not be able to legally marry as we had planned (May 6), and then my grandma died unexpectedly in April and I just felt like this was the worst year of my life. But, then I was offered a new position at work (which I absolutely love) and Jeff and I were married in the eyes of God in front of our family and friends on July 25. My year totally did a 180 and I truly believe that yes, indeed, even after everything that went wrong, that this is my year. I think sometimes bad things happen, so we can truly appreciate the good and not take everything for granted. Everything happens for a reason, in it's own time and way, and I am so incredibly blessed.  2015 is my year!  Katie Bug  

I've been thinking about what to blog about next. Lately, my nightmares have been back (probably brought on by the stress of losing my grandma) particularly the ones about my abuser's ex's family. With my latest one, I think I finally came to a realization. Even if I told them what he did to me....Whether they believe me or not...All the things I'm hoping to get from it, is not going to change anything. It won't change what happened to me and it won't change me from knowing the truth. And it probably won't change what they already believe or think happened. So maybe I just need to not care. Because, guess what? I know the truth. I know what happened and I believe myself. What everyone else thinks really doesn't matter. What I believe and know is all that matters! Fearlessly, Katie Ps. I'm Rocking that smile!!

So, right now. I am going through a panic. I'm mostly feeling anger. HE should be the one that nervous, embarrassed, ashamed. NOT ME!   My on-call therapist suggested I write about how things have changed and how I'm not the same person or in that same situation. So here's goes.  1. I'm not "sick" I'm on meds that work and taking them. 2. I'm not 21 anymore. I've grown up... Matured.  3. I'm not as naive. 4. I'm just a different Katie. That's a start! How about you? How can you distract yourself? Xoxo. Katie