Becoming Katie Butterfly

With it being New Years Eve, I am going to post some highlights of my year.  NUMBER 1. Becoming close with MA. She has literally been my rock this past year and I wouldn't have come this far without her support. I just love you so much, Mare Bear! All my Vox Concerts and all the cool people I've gotten to meet through there. Going to Summerfest and getting to see Ingid Michaelson live! Being giving the chance to receive training in the circ department at work. For surviving and being fearless and brave! Letting God back into my life! All the ups and downs with my fiancé Jeff. And having our engagement pictures taken! That's all I got, for now! Here's to an even better year in 2015! Katie

"So carry your candle, run to the darkness, seek out the hopeless, confused and torn, Hold out your candle for all to see it, Take your candle and go light your world." "Everyone wants to be your sun, but not me, I wan't to be your moon, so I can light up your darkest moments when your sun isn't around." I believe I have been thought many dark times for a reason. I believe it is so I can help others make it through their dark times. I'm going to carry my candle, run to the darkness. I am going to seek out the hopeless, the confused and torn. I am going to hold out my candle for ALL to see it. I'm going to take my candle and go light my world! I am going through some pretty dark and scary times myself. It's important to know that we are not alone. We have God, and we have our friends. Let's put our candles together and go light the world. Including our own. Christmas is over. The time of peace on earth, good will to me, is over. But,

                        Written: November 7, 2005 By: Katie Marie Clements The smell of pine The lack of sunshine The glistening snow The fiery glow The season I now hate I"m sure many can relate The pain inside I cannot hide I miss him so much And his gentle touch Memories are everywhere More then I can bear It's in the joyous songs It's in the Carol's Ding Dong It's all in my head I can't believe he's dead The Christmas lights Shine so bright The music in the background Playing it's mystical sound It's something about the season That seems to give me a reason A reason to remember and cry And a reason to ask why Alone by the fire place Peace flows over my face I drift off into sleep I dream things ever so deep * * * * * Walking in a winter wonder land We're hand in hand We're singing together In the Christmas weather We come to a place filled wi

The weekend is almost here! I work this afternoon and then I am going home with my dad to spend the night at my parents. Tomorrow my dad and I are going to sing together for church. I do love singing with my dad... Actually I just love singing. I don't know that I'm all that great... But I love to do it. Music and singing brings me peace and happiness. It's especially best this time of year! It also has a way of tugging at the heart strings. That's about all I got for right now! My love - Katie

I have been so very blessed this year. It started off being a pretty tough year with dealing with my assault, coming forward and talking about it and finally addressing the issues it caused. In the process of all that, I have met some of the most incredible people, I could ever ask for. I think you all know who you are so I'm not going to name names. It seemed like whenever I needed it most I had all the love, prayers and support one could ever wish to have. And for that I am so incredibly blessed. Christmas-time is always tough for me, and it was even more so this year, but so far, it's been wonderful. Fun surprises from my Secret Santa, and from friends. It has really showed me what the season (and really all year long) is about. I want to go forward into the world and pay forward the kindness I have received and I want it to just keep on giving. I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas and New Years! You all deserve the best, because you ARE the best! All my love -

Hi readers! It's been a long time since I have last posted and thought I would take the time to do that tonight before I head to bed. I hope you all are having a blast getting ready for Christmas, and all the festive-ness. I also hope that you are taking the time for self care. The holidays can be a tough time of year for so many (myself included) and it's so important to be good to ourselves. I can't stress  that enough.  Last week was the 10 year anniversary of losing my grandpa. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard. But, I made it through.  I'm ready for Christmas. I have been so blessed this year by so much. I have some amazing friends and I couldn't ask for more.  I really don't need things for Christmas. I just want the love of my friends and family, and the happiness that comes from that. Merry Christmas to you all! All my love and hugs. Katie

"I am leaving you a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27 I want to talk about peace. The Holy Spirit has been working on my heart and last night I came to a decision. I'm not going to say what, as that's between God and me. But, I'm finally starting to feel at peace. Real peace. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. & I love how God has not given up on me and how much He must love me. My heart is filled with peace and with song! I can't really express it. & I'm usually so good at expressing myself. But, I do know I'm on a new journey, I have THE leader,THE Shepard to guide me and a few amazing people He has put in my life. I am blessed beyond belief. & am so happy to be going into the Holiday of Peace and Love. I need to get out my old Bible and start reading it again. I know a lot of it is highlighted with verses I l

Yes, this may come as a surprise (please note my sarcasm) but I just love books. My mom read to us as kids, and ever since I learned to read in first grade, I just devoured book after book. They got me through boredom, depression, and, everything! One summer I think I read over 10,000 pages.  I always loved a good mystery series. It started out with The Mandie Books, later on The Nancy Drew series and now today Annie's Attic Mysteries. I work at the local library and am always finding books. And I'm totally excited about this new series. I grabbed all the ones I could find. Can anyone say "SELF CARE! SELF CARE! SELF CARE?!" Self care! There I said it. With winter here, the Christmas season and the 10 year death-anniversary of my Grandpa Bill, I'm going to need all the love and self care I can possible. So, today I am thankful books!  Joyfully, Katie

Happy Almost-Thanksgiving to all my American and even non-American friends. I thought it would be nice to do a special Thanksgiving post and since I will probably be busy tomorrow, I figured I would do it tonight. So here I go. 1. God's love 2. Prayer buddies 3. Monk (books and the show) 4. Reba 5. Cats and dogs 6. Family 7. A good job I love. 8. Books 9. Music 10. The color purple 11. Jeff 12. Mary 13. Jesus 14. Self Care 15. Vox Concert Series 16. Jenn Bostic 17. Life experiences and lessons 18. Candles 19. Blankets 20. My Family (blood and non-blood) 21. Going into the Christmas season 22. Movies & TV 23. Warm place to live 24. The number 6 25. Singing 26. A Thankful Heart There we go. What are you Thankful for? And now for some pictures from through out the year. :) THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU! Katie

For all those who need some encouragement. This is the best way I know how. Through music and hymns. 1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. Refrain: It is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. 2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed his own blood for my soul. (Refrain) 3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! (Refrain) 4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll; the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, even so, it is well with my soul. (Refrain) Peace be with you! Katie

Katie here. So, I had an incredible weekend. My baby brother got married and we welcomed my new sister into the family. I couldn't be happier. & this week is Thanksgiving. I know I have not been keeping up with my daily thankful posts, but even when I'm not posting, I am thinking about what I'm thankful for. Right now. 1. Family 2. Friends I can call Family 3. Mare Bear 4. Safe travels. Here are a couple pictures from yesterday! And, on the way home today I was listening on youtube to some old live performances of Reba. That made for a great day! I have been reunited with my fiance and our kitties. I always miss them like crazy even when I'm just away a couple days! I hope everyone is doing well. & have a very happy Thanksgiving! HUGS -Katie

I haven't blogged in a few days and I've neglected to keep up with my thankful posts. I've been down, feeling the affects of the winter seasons as well as other setbacks. But, the last couple nights I have become happier again, more alive. And it's because of the Vox Concert Series. Last night I got to see my friend and musician friend Jenn Bostic again and was reminded of why I love to do what I do. And that great things are happening at Vox and that I've been a part of them! I feel so alive again. It was just what I needed to come out of my depression again! I am going to share a few pictures of the last couple night's with my musician friends that I've gotten to know from doing this! Keep your head held high.  Katie

I'm thankful for kind, caring and thoughtful friends! My dear friend knew today was going to be a rough day and she showed such care. I shall wear this bracelet with much love and happiness! I'm truly blessed. I'm also thankful for answered prayers. God answered my prayers and today wasn't so rough. And He used someone else to make it even better. So far it's a GREAT day! It's amazing how love and kindness can do that! So, Mare Bear, thank you! Katie Bug

Hey guys, it's Katie! I had today off so I got a few chores done and then practiced lots of self care. I decided to care for my skin and nails today. My skin feels great, my mood feels great. I love this self care stuff. Also, what am I thankful for today? Days off to relax! Definitely a top for today. How about you guys? Hugs, Katie

Today I am thankful for... Sleeping in. Lifetime Movies Cuddling with my kitty. A warm bed. Just a few things I am thankful for today. How about you? As for self care, relaxing with my cat, blankets and watching lifetime movies is how I've taken care of myself today. Again, how about you? Be good to yourself, ok? Katie 

I'm thankful for Self care Saturday's. And good friends to share my joy and self care ideas with. How about you? Katie

As we are going into the holiday season (along with cold and flu) we want to stress how important self care is! In order to fight battles, go to work, function as human beings, and live life, we need to take care of ourselves. So often we forget to do that, while we are taking care of others and doing day to day things. I like to think of it as how would you treat a friend or guest. How would you talk to them? It's so important to treat ourselves with love and respect. Talk loving to yourself, take time to do things you enjoy.  Here's a list to get you started... Drink tea Light scented candles  Take a warm bath Talk to a good friend Journal  Eat candy/chocolate Listen to music Really anything you enjoy! Be safe, well and take care of you! Hugs, Katie

So, I totally meant to do these but with work and feeling under the weather, it never quite got done. With today being the 7th, I'm going to list seven things I'm thankful for. 1. God 2. Good friends 3. Self care 4. Food 5. A warm place to live 6. A good job 7. Amazing co-workers. That's what I got! -Katie 

Today is the beginning of November. I am going to -attempt- to post each day this month things I am thankful for. I encourage you all to do the same. So, here it goes. 1. I am thankful to be alive. Some days can be a struggle but I am thankful to be alive. Even in the struggles life can be so amazingly wonderful.  2. I am thankful for my incredibly wonderful and supportive fiancé. He has shown me the meaning of unconditional love and I cannot imagine my life without him. I love you, Jeff! 3. I am also thankful for my wonderful friend Mary. She has been so supportive with her love and prayer support. I couldn't ask for a better friend. I love you, Mary! 4. Bunny and Trouble. I am so thankful for our black and white cats! They make my life so much better. 5. Books! Books give me an escape from reality. They are great. 6. Sleep. Because everyone knows how much I love sleep. I am ending at 6 because it's my favorite and lucky number! What are you thankful for?! Smiles, K

This quote described my illness and feelings to a T. I do know what it's like to wanna die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I spent many years of my life being a girl, interrupted. I'm not ashamed anymore and I want others to know that they aren't crazy. You aren't! Some people just feel things more intense than others.  I'm going to share some quotes from things I wrote in my journal during some of my dark times. " I’m just feeling so blue and I have no clue why. My eyes are watery for no reason. I feel like I’m going to cry, but why? Why am I sad?" "I just want to cry, die, laugh, scream, bounce, sleep and everything at once. What is the matter with me? Do you ever get like that? I feel suffocated and it gets to a point where I’m about ready to jump up, run away and hide. Do you ever get like that?  I don’t know what my problem is." Now

Please don't stop talking. Your voice is beautiful. By staying silent you let the bad guys win. I hope you speak, I hope you use your voice. I hope you can find strength and empowerment in speaking up. Maybe you aren't okay right now, but sometime soon you will be, I promise. Don't give up. I care what you have to say. Many people do. It is just a lie we tell ourselves. I was raped too. The first step is talking about it, letting it out and realizing we aren't alone and that we can heal. That it wasn't our fault and we shouldn't be ashamed. I hear you, I see you and it's all going to be ok. I hope whoever is reading this finds the strength and courage to talk about and deal with whatever demons are in your life. XOXO, K

Today I want to talk about kindness. It's always important to be kind. We never know what battles others are going through or how our interaction with them can impact their life. I know I'm not perfect but I try to be the kindest person I can be. I try to be kind and loving and compassionate. I hope if I've impacted people it's been a good thing. "Show a little bit of love and kindness." Give it a try. Compliment someone. Thank them for a job well done. At home, in your friendships and in the workplace, even a stranger. One simple smile can change the world! Smiles, K

No more "but he was so gentle" it was still rape. No more "but I didn't say no" I didn't say it was okay either No more "I should have known better." I didn't but he did. No more "but so many others had it worse." No more second guessing it. No more letting it control me. No more "I'm gonna show you how it's really done." No more "you're gonna like this." No more excuses, no more self blame, no more silence. NO MORE! Why do you say no more? -Katie

" i was the 2nd of 3 children. only girl. my older brother was fast to notice boys and girls are different. he explored my differences any time he had a chance. he damaged me to the point that i do not trust men at all. i cut myself to pieces when i think about him hurting me. i have horrible flashbacks and self injure 90% of when i have one. i have been cutting since i was 11 and i am now 29. i can go months without it but then it hits me and i get sucked back in. i have been hospitalized 21 times the most recent just in august. its really hard for me to let people in. i have a been in a relationship for almost 2 years and its hard for me to stay talking to my girl without shutting down when i get in a mood. she tries to help me the best she can. she refuses to give up on me. she is my number one support. i have a feeling i would be dead without her. when i try so hard to push her away she pushes back and makes me talk to her and she saves my life so much."

Thank you Sam for being brave and for sharing your experiences with mental illness! You are incredibly awesome! Katie and Britt ************************** Mental Illness is a huge topic that I don't feel like is addressed properly or it's misconceived by the media, and posers. Since I was little I've battled and still pull through my mental disorders to this day. I struggle with Anxiety, Depression, and Body/Confidence issues. Everyday is a fighting battle, some take over more than others. It doesn't help either, when you have the public all around you, staring, judging, and bullying you or people that have the same issues as you do. I've been severely bullied throughout my life. I've had people tell me that they'll be there for me, and help me through my darkest times. Come to find out that not many people keep their promises. I've had so many people walk out of my life & say that they don't care about me anymore, and abandon me, and everything

Today was sort of a rough day, emotionally. My winter depression is starting to kick in. Tonight I plan to watch some SVU and drink some tea and try to relax. Everything's gonna be alright!  I'm a fighter and a thriver! So boo-yah! Xoxo Katie

Thank you Ashley for being so brave! Love you.  " Hello, my name is Ashley and I am 19 years old. I am writing to you all today to tell my story, thanks to the wonderful creators of this page. One of them happens to be my best friend :)  My mom has always been verbally abusive. As I was growing up I struggled with learning how to respect my mom because she would always say things to hurt me and my way of defending myself was talking back. Others found it offensive and still do. They believe that every child should respect their parents. I do agree with that but it is hard to do when you are a victim in the relationship. Sometimes some people are opinion based on the old fashion morals and beliefs that every child should respect their parents. Those same people either blind themselves from witnessing a verbal attack or they don't care. My grandmother, my father’s mom, lived with us until she got sick and had to live with my aunt in Reno when I was 8. She raised me more than my