Becoming Katie Butterfly

I've written letters to my abuser (you know, the kind you don't actually send) and a little while ago I wrote one to my abuser's wife, as a lot of my guilt and pain was stemming from that angle too. I've been told it was very powerful so I thought I would share it here. Along with a past letter to my abuser. Dear ******* I'm so sorry that I took your love and friendship you offered me and stomped on it. You were so kind to me. Even making me a Tinkerbell cake for my 21st birthday. I'm sorry I took your husband away from you and your precious kids. I'm sorry that now you forever have those memories carved in your mind. That when you were pregnant with ********, your sister's best friend took your husband. I'm sorry you see me as the one who took your husband away. I'm sorry that you don't know the truth. And that I still can't tell you. I was raped. I would never do the things you and your family think I am. I am sorry I hurt yo...

Self care today? Monk! And then off to work this afternoon for my last shift this week. I am feeling stronger this week. He is not going to hurt me. I now have that power. & I know if he ever tried I have some amazing friends who would have my back! You people are amazing! I'm a survivor, and one step at a time I am moving towards thriver. Sometimes it's a few steps backwards and other times it's a few steps forwards. I know I am making great strides in my journey and I thank YOU for being an amazing part of it!!!  "Try once more, like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita." Yes, I'm going to just keep swimming and keep making my baby steps as I sing a new song.  XOXO, Kater Chiquitita

So, I have begun doing some art therapy to help me deal with all the heavy emotions I have been going through. To get them out in a healthy way. It's been tough lately, dealing with anger towards him, anger and fear of him. What I would say or do if I see him. I'd like to think I would be a bigger person and not let him get to me. I don't know. The most important thing is if I do run into him, I know I am not that same vulnerable person I was when he hurt me before. And he preys on that. He can't hurt me anymore. Because I won't let him. That's right, I now have the power over that. Taking back control, taking back my life & can I just say how thankful I am for my friends who have my back? You know who you are and YOU ARE AMAZING. I really needed to talk last night and you took the time to listen to me. THANK YOU! And I also wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite songs because it totally fits the kind of person you are, Mary. Chiquiti...

I wasn't violently abused, but I was still raped, and I'm still a survivor. I never said no, but I never said yes either. It wasn't consent. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. I still doubt what happened wasn't my fault. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. I knew the guy and was friend's with his wife. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. All the excusing out there don't matter. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. Yes, I was raped and I'm a survivor. Katie

After being stressed and bogged down by the hustle and bustle of the holidays and our jobs, Jeff and I finally have a night to hang out! Eating pizza and watching Monk is on the menu for tonight. I'm very thankful for a couple days off and to spend time with my honey. Here's to good self care and family time! I hope your weekend is wonderful as well! Xoxo, KatieBug

With it being New Years Eve, I am going to post some highlights of my year.  NUMBER 1. Becoming close with MA. She has literally been my rock this past year and I wouldn't have come this far without her support. I just love you so much, Mare Bear! All my Vox Concerts and all the cool people I've gotten to meet through there. Going to Summerfest and getting to see Ingid Michaelson live! Being giving the chance to receive training in the circ department at work. For surviving and being fearless and brave! Letting God back into my life! All the ups and downs with my fiancé Jeff. And having our engagement pictures taken! That's all I got, for now! Here's to an even better year in 2015! Katie

"So carry your candle, run to the darkness, seek out the hopeless, confused and torn, Hold out your candle for all to see it, Take your candle and go light your world." "Everyone wants to be your sun, but not me, I wan't to be your moon, so I can light up your darkest moments when your sun isn't around." I believe I have been thought many dark times for a reason. I believe it is so I can help others make it through their dark times. I'm going to carry my candle, run to the darkness. I am going to seek out the hopeless, the confused and torn. I am going to hold out my candle for ALL to see it. I'm going to take my candle and go light my world! I am going through some pretty dark and scary times myself. It's important to know that we are not alone. We have God, and we have our friends. Let's put our candles together and go light the world. Including our own. Christmas is over. The time of peace on earth, good will to me, is over. But,...