Becoming Katie Butterfly

Hi guys! Hope you are having a spectacular day! I've been thinking about what to blog about... And my mind has been coming up blank, blank, blank. Well, I have about 30 minutes to kill before I start my last work shift before going on vacation tomorrow morning... Yep, you read that right. I am leaving for Michigan tomorrow morning to see my dad's family for a few days. Originally I wasn't going to go, I had a lot going on and I've been pretty down since my grandma died but my wonderful uncle gently reminded me that I still have wonderful grandparents who love and miss me. So, I was able to get out of some things and am now able to make the trip. I will get to see my grandparents, all my aunts and uncles, my cousins and my cousin's two boys, plus it works out that I will get to see my childhood best friend too! So many exciting things going on. For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling truly happy and excited. I do, however need to remember to practice my se...

"You don't have to worry, and don't you be afraid. Joy comes in the morning, troubles, they don't last always. For there's a friend in Jesus who will wipe your tears away and if your heart is broken just lift your hands and say.... Oh I know that I can make it. I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands. With Jesus I can take it, with Him I know I can stand, no matter what may come my way, my life is in Your Hands." This song is near and dear to my heart right now. The lyrics form in my head when I'm having a particularly bad day or when I realize my blessings. This year has been really hard on me. With finding out I wasn't going to be able to get married, to losing my grandma unexpectedly. One thing or another being taken from me unfairly. The way things I have been going, I didn't think anything was going right. Then a position at work opened up. One I've been doing weekly training for, something I'v...

I've been thinking about what to blog about next. Lately, my nightmares have been back (probably brought on by the stress of losing my grandma) particularly the ones about my abuser's ex's family. With my latest one, I think I finally came to a realization. Even if I told them what he did to me....Whether they believe me or not...All the things I'm hoping to get from it, is not going to change anything. It won't change what happened to me and it won't change me from knowing the truth. And it probably won't change what they already believe or think happened. So maybe I just need to not care. Because, guess what? I know the truth. I know what happened and I believe myself. What everyone else thinks really doesn't matter. What I believe and know is all that matters! Fearlessly, Katie Ps. I'm Rocking that smile!!

With everything that's going on with the Duggar's, I thought it was time to put my story out there. Because things need to change.  6 years have gone by. I blocked out what he had done for 4 years until a memory, a flashback, a realization came in like a flood. And no matter how hard I wanted to, there was no going back. I had to face it. He raped me. He took my virginity and all my innocence. Right in my own bed. There are some things I will never remember. Like the day or days it happened. What exactly was said. But there are many things I do remember. It was right around my 21st birthday. My abuser's wife had even made me a special Tinkerbell cake as I LOVED Tinkerbell. Another thing he stole from me that night. I could never look at my Tinkerbell blanket the same. I remember him convincing my sick and over emotional mind that my neighbor was a predator and that he could protect me. I never imagined that the predator would be my friend's husband. That i...

"This is my fight song, Take back my life song, Prove I'm alright song. My power's turned on, Starting right now, I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song. And I don't really care if nobody else believes Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." This is my theme song to my life right now. Things have not been going the greatest, but it's time for me to take back my life. Things are different now. But they don't have to be bad. I can't wallow in this sorrow and sleep my life away anymore. It's time to live. To keep on fighting. There's still a lot of fight left in me. I've been knocked down quite a few times, but I keep getting back up again. I'm coming back stronger than ever. It's all going to be okay, this I know. Fearlessly, Katie

My friend Stephanie Chard  recently started a Survivor Love Letter project for Sexual Awareness Month in April and asked for different people to send in letters to survivors and she posted them all over her city. She has decided to continue the project. Click here to learn more straight from her blog.  And here is the letter I wrote. Dear Survivor, I want you to know that you are not alone. What happened to you is not your fault. You are so brave and courageous. I hope you have the courage to speak up and be heard. I don't know you, but I hear you, I see you and you matter. Healing can be so hard but oh, so wonderful at the same time. I'm here to tell you that even though it gets hard sometimes, it is totally worth it. Being able to take back our lives and name our abusers for what they are! You stay strong and remember I care! Katie Whether you are a survivor or not, I definitely recommend writing one yourself. Love always, Katie

I've been thinking about what to blog about for awhile. And then it hit me. I should talk about the thing that has been keeping me going, especially this past week as I have been grieving the loss of my grandma. What has saved me? Music, and my friends at the Vox Concert Series. What is the Vox Concert Series? According to their website :  Vox Concert Series is Marshfield, Wisconsin’s premier entertainment venue, offering national and regionally touring acts in an intimate setting. Our goal is to provide a quality, exceptional concert experience to every guest who enters our door as well as every act which graces our stage. We’re keenly focused on becoming one of the best listening rooms in the United States.  If you click on the link to the website you can find other FAQ about what Vox is. Because it is getting off focus of what I wanted to write about. I want to write about the other side of Vox. The fun and joy I receive from volunteering. Our small group of volun...