My Favorite Things

Katie here. I've been thinking about what to blog about and I thought "hey how about writing about some of my favorite things...." Relaxing stuff, my interests, people I love, all that random stuff.

Tea.... I love herbal tea.
Wonderful Scented Candles
Grape flavored goodness!
Hugs - the kind where it melts all the sadness and pain away
Kitty cats
My job
Socializing
Random acts of kindness
Blogging
Movies...
Books, books, books.
Art Therapy
Sarcasm and teasing with close friends
Jeff
Sleeping
American Girl Dolls
Blankets
Clothes
My Family
Mare Bear
My Chunky Monkey
Pictures of loved ones
Music
Reba McEntire
SELF CARE
Hearing "I love you" from people that matter
Chillaxing
Mindfulness
Talking about deep stuff to people that matter
Babies... babies make me happy!

Well, I have many other favorite things and things that bless me. But, I'm ending it here today.

Right now, my mind and body is so worn down, tired, I don't know, I just feel so, bad... So, it's time for some self care, self care, self care and comfort my mind and body. I need myself a nice self care package.

Just keep swimming,

Katie Bug

Comments

Psych appointment

So, I went to my medication doctor. Because of my PTSD and anxiety, we increased a med. And I know I can't blame this on my rpaist. Because it's MY decision, but if he hadn't hurt me I wouldn't be finding stupid ways to numb the pain. Not only am I depressed and have PTSD, my anorexia has returned to help me turn off this... I don't even know. And have some control over my life... But who's controlling who? Even though I know I need to eat and get better, my mind is fighting it. Saying how am I going to deal with the crap when I can't numb it. I'm just tired. Does anyone want to take my hand and help me through this? My best friend just walked out on me and I just need a friend. Someone to talk to, to laugh and just numb some of this crap. And she said the difference between wanting to lose a little weight and it being unhealthy (anorexia) is WHY I'm doing it. And she wants me to go to my therapists' next group meetings o...

Re-traumatized.

So, as I briefly mentioned in a post yesterday, I had an unexpected Pap smear appointment come up. I started to get REALLY anxious as I waited for the appointment. I have a hard time being touched down there by my fiancé. Let alone some stranger I never met. She was very professional, definitely. But, it was very awkward. I mean it's awkward for non survivors. I didn't really have flashbacks, but it triggered intense anxiety. I'm okay today, still... I don't even know the word. Since I obviously am going to have to have them done again for health reasons, I need to find away to approach this. I wonder if it will go better if the doctor knows I was abused, if it would make a difference. I hate these feeling. Will it ever go away? Katie

The number will never be enough.

I have realized on this hell-ish journey of what they call anorexia, that the number will never be enough. I've been starving myself off and on since about February. First it was to lose about 10 lbs that I gained while my thyroid was under active. I started eating better but just ate less. I finally got back to my normal weight. And I decided I was gonna go lower. Mostly because I hate my breasts. So, I started cutting back on calories. Counting them on an app and a tracker that counted how many calories I had burned. I'm really not much of an exerciser, so I mostly just restricted what I ate, between eating normal on weekends or when with friends. Didn't want them to catch on and wanted to still enjoy myself and not put my life is jeopardy. Well, I'm at about 10 lbs away from what I called my goal weight. And the last few days I really restricted so I can finally reach the goal. I've agonized over getting help and eating right and just a constant battle with my th...

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