Becoming Katie Butterfly

To whoever may be reading this.... Its not your fault, and it will never be your fault. Abuse is abuse. Remember that! I don't know your story but I care, a lot! Take care of YOU.

Been having a hard time. But, thanks to my friends, I am going to just keep swimming! I think I need God in my life more. I need a life of love and forgiveness. I'm a survivor. I may have this illness etc for the rest of my life, but God has a plan, he always has. I just gotta trust in him. So guys, will you just keep swimming with me? I need you!  My love -Katie 

Katie here. So this blog is, well, as the title says... A little bit of this and that. First off... Some days I feel like I'm a fake. Or that people think I'm stronger than I am because I put on the strong face. Truth is I'm afraid to trust someone, to tell them how I'm really feeling because I'm so tired of losing people. And nothing chases people away more that weakness, right? So, I guess if I can't trust people. I have to at least have some good self care things I can do. I do like to relax... Read books or watch movies. Lately I've discovered how much I love fruit smoothies. Another thing... I am so sick and tired of being depressed, anxious, all this mental crap is. Especially knowing it will never fully go away ever!  Also... I talked about this in therapy and she said this was pretty normal for survivors. Having dreams where you feel you are being abused again. I don't know what it's called, but I'm having a lot of those nightmares. I wok...

So, I worked this morning until noon... And then my fiancé and I took off for a nearby town. We got a room in a hotel, went to get some supper, came back and went swimming, and now we are just hanging in the room. Here's some pictures from the day. I'm truly happy.  Self care is so very important! Don't forget to make time for it!!   Joyfully, KT

Hi guys! It's Katie. I've been in a slump of depression ever since I ran into my rapist last week. But, I got a chance to see my therapist today and that really helped. I've been dealing with the guilt of not saying no, and was it really rape then. She asked me. "If you had said no, do you think he would have stopped." the answer is. No he would not have. Plain and simple. I've been reading and it turns out a lot of times survivors end up with an eating disorder. I already had one as a teenager and the stress of everything and trying to control SOMETHING in my life has led back to it. I'm trying to reclaim my life. Being healthy enough for day to day stuff, my relationship. Everything. I have my whole life ahead of me, and he doesn't get to be apart of it. I was in a hole for awhile there, but I'm crawling out and am going to be bigger and stronger. All my love, Katie

I know I can use these right now and thought you could too! KEEP FIGHTING! Katie

AND I WAS OK! I ran into my abuser the other day. I didn't acknowledge him. I will admit it brought up painful feelings, but I'm okay. I'm no longer a victim. I'm a survivor. To my abuser and my stalker, you no longer have control of me. I am taking my life back! It's my life and I love it!!! It was a very empowering but scary experience! STAY FEARLESS! All my love.... Katie

Hi friends! Just wishing you all a very very happy Independance Day! Have fun and be safe!!!! My plans: concert in the park tonight with Todd Carey and tomorrow going to Summerfest which includes seeing Ingrid Michaelson. Excited?! That's an understatement! Xoxo Katie