Becoming Katie Butterfly

My friend Jess is always getting me excited about things that excite me, especially this thing called life. And I've been trying to figure out what to blog about... So here it is.... 😊 Tomorrow I've been married to my best friend for two months. THAT EXCITES ME! Going to the Porcupine Mountains... Camping and spending valuable time with family. THAT EXCITES ME! Doing my different art projects. THAT EXCITES ME! Realizing I'm a beautiful Butterfly. THAT REALLY EXCITES ME! My job at the library REALLY EXCITES ME! My fearless sisters and friends/family. They really excite me! Life in general really excites me! How about you.... What REALLY EXCITES YOU? Love and hugs Katie Butterfly

Sometimes I just love doing complete body self-care, clean shaven, great smelling lotion all over my body, putting on a sexy dress, lighting some candles and loving the hell out of my sexy self. That's my take on healing and loving myself and body again. Today it feels so freeing and healing. I'm telling myself that I am capable of love, of loving and being loved in return. I am capable of being sexy and not feeling dirty. I am capable of all good things. I am Mrs. W and I deserve all good things. I deserve to be Mrs. J. W! Hugs, Katie 

Whether we mean to or not, sometimes what we think is going to be helpful, is sometimes, well not. This is not meant to offend anyone, but a look into how helpfulness can be perceived by survivors. "I don't want people walking on eggshells around me or treat me like I'm so fragile that I'll break. If I was fragile I would have shattered a long time ago. What happened to me was unfortunate but it hasn't and will not break me. I can't live my life afraid of being triggered or upset because that is letting him win. I don't want people being afraid either. People may think they are helping  but honestly it just upsets me. Instead people can listen to me when I choose to talk about whatever and validating me and believing me.  I am working towards the best life possible with my husband. Recap: I'm not broken, fragile, damaged... None of those things." You are not broken, fragile or damaged either!  Love always,  Katie 

I have debated about whether to post this as a blog or not. But, I got so much good feedback on it, I decided yes - I would! Xo - Katie 6 years have gone by. I blocked what he had done out for 4 years until a memory, a flashback, a realization came in like a flood. And no matter how hard I wanted to, there was no going back. He raped me. He took my virginity and all my innocence. Right in my own bed. There are some things I will never remember. Like the day or days it happened. What exactly was said. But there are many things I do remember. It was right around my 21st birthday. My abuser's wife had even made me a special Tinkerbell cake as I LOVED Tinkerbell. Another thing he stole from me that night. I could never look at my Tinkerbell blanket the same. I remember him convincing my sick and over emotional mind that my neighbor was a predator and that he could protect me. I never imagined that the predator would be my friend's husband. That it was he I needed protecting from. H...

This is Jessica's story. Thanks for sharing your story with us. You are so brave and fearless!!    *********************************************** When Katie asked me to share my story on her blog I was elated. I had shared parts of my story a few months prior on my own blog ( girlwithamission.org ) so I was ready to jump right in and share even more of myself with you. I had a pretty normal childhood. I grew up with parents who gave unconditional love, a younger brother and sister who copied everything I did (it was annoying at the time- but they're my best friends now!), played sports and had a few friends. When I was about 10 years old until I was 12 I was sexually abused by my neighbor. He was about 4 years older than me, and he was cute. Of course I had a crush on him. He was the older boy next door. He also had 2 older brothers and my brother and I would play basketball with them all the time. They were older than us, but they let us play with them. We had fun. One day m...

You can't stop what's done to you, you can only survive. And somewhere in the process to forgive, in order to truly move forward. That is what I am trying  to do. God is helping me and my friends. The first helpful thing was being heard, validated. "I know that you were raped.  I also know that you survived and are taking back your life and your power. " Thanks for believing me. It's a hard thing to come forward, to say and being heard is EVERYTHING!  I can't take back what was done, I can only learn to move forward. Onward I go, Katie

To whoever may be reading this.... Its not your fault, and it will never be your fault. Abuse is abuse. Remember that! I don't know your story but I care, a lot! Take care of YOU.

Katie here. So this blog is, well, as the title says... A little bit of this and that. First off... Some days I feel like I'm a fake. Or that people think I'm stronger than I am because I put on the strong face. Truth is I'm afraid to trust someone, to tell them how I'm really feeling because I'm so tired of losing people. And nothing chases people away more that weakness, right? So, I guess if I can't trust people. I have to at least have some good self care things I can do. I do like to relax... Read books or watch movies. Lately I've discovered how much I love fruit smoothies. Another thing... I am so sick and tired of being depressed, anxious, all this mental crap is. Especially knowing it will never fully go away ever!  Also... I talked about this in therapy and she said this was pretty normal for survivors. Having dreams where you feel you are being abused again. I don't know what it's called, but I'm having a lot of those nightmares. I wok...

Next week I am seeing Ingrid Michaelson for the first time. I am beyond excited! Her "Be Ok" has gotten me through some many dark days in this journey!! Less than a week and I will be seeing her live!  My love, Katie 

I've been thinking about it and I don't want to waste another second of my life on the likes of my abuser. I know he doesn't waste his life thinking of me. I am done!!  I have so much positive in my life, I don't even want to think of him! That's where I'm at today. Xoxo, KT

Well, I need to write this. The memories, the guilt, the self-blame - all of that is all flooding back. Just down pouring on me. I can't let this get to me. I have a job interview tomorrow and I gotta be the best person I can be. But - it's all coming back, because I'm thinking about next weekend when I go to our yearly church camp. I will probably run into my runner-up nightmare, the people I really have the most nightmares about. His ex-family. I can't handle the glares and the judgemental looks. They don't know what really happened and frankly I don't think they care. I just want to scream "you don't know what happened. How can you be judging me. You claim to be these high and mighty Christians, yet you treat people like crap" I sinned yes, I was used, yes, and I was made to do something I really didn't want to do. But, even then... No sin is greater than the other in God's eyes. I just have to hold my head up high and not be ashamed. I ...

" Here is my story of how I grew up in a home that was surrounded by domestic violence. Growing up was crazy for me. My parents always argued. Before I was born my mother and real father used to fight always according to what my mother told me and what my sister and brother witnessed. But after I was born my father stuck around until I was like 2 or 3. That's when my stepfather began raising me. After that my mother and he would always argue. They got physical with each other. They got to the point where my mother would get a knife and try to hurt my stepfather. I remember one time she chased him down the stair and in order to escape from her, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. This happened when I was younger. She has had so much anger in her we didn’t know where it came from. There were other times where she got angry at me and threw figurines at me. One Thanksgiving Day I wanted to spend it at my sister house, this was when I was in middle school, and my mother wok...

I was molested by my neighbor. It happened from 5th-7th grade. 3 years. I didn't know what he was doing to me was wrong or illegal. I thought it was okay since he was an adult. He never did anything to cause physical pain. He was gentle. Another reason why I didn't think it was wrong. Physically, I wasn't being put in pain, but mentally...I was. I was still scared though. I never said anything until one day I told my abuser's grandson who is 3 years younger than me. Months went by after me telling him then all of a sudden, the Monday of my Spring Break in 7th grade, a detective & social worker showed up at my house. I remember my mom coming to me crying saying that these people needed to talk to me privately. I wasn't in any trouble, just be honest. My abuser's grandson's parent were divorced so he was visiting his mom. He told his mom who contacted the police. My abuser was arrested that Monday. The detective had to come back a couple weeks later becaus...

Today is the last day of Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. If you haven't been affected by sexual abuse, I really hope this horrible crime has been brought to your attention & you do something to help end it. If you've been abused, I hope you've learned a lot this month about sexual abuse, I hope you've spoke out & let your story be heard & most importantly, I hope you found a way of healing. I have struggled this month & hit my breaking point, but I've reached out & asked for help. I'm in the process of healing & I'm getting better. I will NOT let my abuser win or control me. I'm not his victim. I AM A SURVIVOR! Together we CAN end Sexual Abuse. Say NO MORE!!! ~Britt!