Becoming Katie Butterfly

With everything that's going on with the Duggar's, I thought it was time to put my story out there. Because things need to change.  6 years have gone by. I blocked out what he had done for 4 years until a memory, a flashback, a realization came in like a flood. And no matter how hard I wanted to, there was no going back. I had to face it. He raped me. He took my virginity and all my innocence. Right in my own bed. There are some things I will never remember. Like the day or days it happened. What exactly was said. But there are many things I do remember. It was right around my 21st birthday. My abuser's wife had even made me a special Tinkerbell cake as I LOVED Tinkerbell. Another thing he stole from me that night. I could never look at my Tinkerbell blanket the same. I remember him convincing my sick and over emotional mind that my neighbor was a predator and that he could protect me. I never imagined that the predator would be my friend's husband. That i

"This is my fight song, Take back my life song, Prove I'm alright song. My power's turned on, Starting right now, I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song. And I don't really care if nobody else believes Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." This is my theme song to my life right now. Things have not been going the greatest, but it's time for me to take back my life. Things are different now. But they don't have to be bad. I can't wallow in this sorrow and sleep my life away anymore. It's time to live. To keep on fighting. There's still a lot of fight left in me. I've been knocked down quite a few times, but I keep getting back up again. I'm coming back stronger than ever. It's all going to be okay, this I know. Fearlessly, Katie

My friend Stephanie Chard  recently started a Survivor Love Letter project for Sexual Awareness Month in April and asked for different people to send in letters to survivors and she posted them all over her city. She has decided to continue the project. Click here to learn more straight from her blog.  And here is the letter I wrote. Dear Survivor, I want you to know that you are not alone. What happened to you is not your fault. You are so brave and courageous. I hope you have the courage to speak up and be heard. I don't know you, but I hear you, I see you and you matter. Healing can be so hard but oh, so wonderful at the same time. I'm here to tell you that even though it gets hard sometimes, it is totally worth it. Being able to take back our lives and name our abusers for what they are! You stay strong and remember I care! Katie Whether you are a survivor or not, I definitely recommend writing one yourself. Love always, Katie

I've been thinking about what to blog about for awhile. And then it hit me. I should talk about the thing that has been keeping me going, especially this past week as I have been grieving the loss of my grandma. What has saved me? Music, and my friends at the Vox Concert Series. What is the Vox Concert Series? According to their website :  Vox Concert Series is Marshfield, Wisconsin’s premier entertainment venue, offering national and regionally touring acts in an intimate setting. Our goal is to provide a quality, exceptional concert experience to every guest who enters our door as well as every act which graces our stage. We’re keenly focused on becoming one of the best listening rooms in the United States.  If you click on the link to the website you can find other FAQ about what Vox is. Because it is getting off focus of what I wanted to write about. I want to write about the other side of Vox. The fun and joy I receive from volunteering. Our small group of volunteers

So, last night/early this morning I had another nightmare about my abuser. I could clearly see him in my dream and yes that part was upsetting. The empowering part was how I stood up to him, named him for the monster he is and I told him off. I won't go into details. But it felt so empowering to be able to stand up to him and for myself. May I continue to have this strength. Today, is kind of a down day for me. Jeff and I were supposed to be married today but because of some unfortunate downsides we were not be able to. Bummer, huh? I'm also still hanging in there from losing my grandma. Can't believe it's been a week since we buried her. I guess time really doesn't stop, even as much as we want it to. Jeff and I have moved into our new place and we are loving it. A fresh start is just what we needed. I also ordered a late birthday gift. My favorite American Girl Doll of all time, Addy Walker. I do hope she arrives soon. In the mean time today, I am s