Becoming Katie Butterfly

You can't stop what's done to you, you can only survive. And somewhere in the process to forgive, in order to truly move forward. That is what I am trying  to do. God is helping me and my friends. The first helpful thing was being heard, validated. "I know that you were raped.  I also know that you survived and are taking back your life and your power. " Thanks for believing me. It's a hard thing to come forward, to say and being heard is EVERYTHING!  I can't take back what was done, I can only learn to move forward. Onward I go, Katie

Well, I need to write this. The memories, the guilt, the self-blame - all of that is all flooding back. Just down pouring on me. I can't let this get to me. I have a job interview tomorrow and I gotta be the best person I can be. But - it's all coming back, because I'm thinking about next weekend when I go to our yearly church camp. I will probably run into my runner-up nightmare, the people I really have the most nightmares about. His ex-family. I can't handle the glares and the judgemental looks. They don't know what really happened and frankly I don't think they care. I just want to scream "you don't know what happened. How can you be judging me. You claim to be these high and mighty Christians, yet you treat people like crap" I sinned yes, I was used, yes, and I was made to do something I really didn't want to do. But, even then... No sin is greater than the other in God's eyes. I just have to hold my head up high and not be ashamed. I ...

Not for them, but for ourselves!