Becoming Katie Butterfly

Whether we mean to or not, sometimes what we think is going to be helpful, is sometimes, well not. This is not meant to offend anyone, but a look into how helpfulness can be perceived by survivors. "I don't want people walking on eggshells around me or treat me like I'm so fragile that I'll break. If I was fragile I would have shattered a long time ago. What happened to me was unfortunate but it hasn't and will not break me. I can't live my life afraid of being triggered or upset because that is letting him win. I don't want people being afraid either. People may think they are helping  but honestly it just upsets me. Instead people can listen to me when I choose to talk about whatever and validating me and believing me.  I am working towards the best life possible with my husband. Recap: I'm not broken, fragile, damaged... None of those things." You are not broken, fragile or damaged either!  Love always,  Katie 

So, yesterday, March 1st was Self Injury Awareness Day. I decided to make a blog on this. I self harmed from the time I was 14 until I was about 22. About 8 years and I've been completely clean for about 5 years. I starting cutting myself as a way to deal with the depression and feelings of deep despair. I cut all through out high school.  My scars used to bother me a lot. But, now I just think of them of reminders of everything I've come through and that I'm alive and a survivor. I survived high school, deep depression, many suicide attempts, rape, self harm. I'm only 26 and I already feel like I've lived a full life. But, now that all that darkness is behind me, I'm looking forward to a life of light, and endless opportunities. Will I still have bad days? Absolutely. But, I know the worst is behind me! I'm going to keep on living for today (and tomorrow) and kicking life's butt. I'm not just a survivor. I AM A THRIVER. Joyfully and Fearlessly thriv...

This is Jessica's story. Thanks for sharing your story with us. You are so brave and fearless!!    *********************************************** When Katie asked me to share my story on her blog I was elated. I had shared parts of my story a few months prior on my own blog ( girlwithamission.org ) so I was ready to jump right in and share even more of myself with you. I had a pretty normal childhood. I grew up with parents who gave unconditional love, a younger brother and sister who copied everything I did (it was annoying at the time- but they're my best friends now!), played sports and had a few friends. When I was about 10 years old until I was 12 I was sexually abused by my neighbor. He was about 4 years older than me, and he was cute. Of course I had a crush on him. He was the older boy next door. He also had 2 older brothers and my brother and I would play basketball with them all the time. They were older than us, but they let us play with them. We had fun. One day m...

So, I worked this morning until noon... And then my fiancé and I took off for a nearby town. We got a room in a hotel, went to get some supper, came back and went swimming, and now we are just hanging in the room. Here's some pictures from the day. I'm truly happy.  Self care is so very important! Don't forget to make time for it!!   Joyfully, KT

Hi guys! It's Katie. I've been in a slump of depression ever since I ran into my rapist last week. But, I got a chance to see my therapist today and that really helped. I've been dealing with the guilt of not saying no, and was it really rape then. She asked me. "If you had said no, do you think he would have stopped." the answer is. No he would not have. Plain and simple. I've been reading and it turns out a lot of times survivors end up with an eating disorder. I already had one as a teenager and the stress of everything and trying to control SOMETHING in my life has led back to it. I'm trying to reclaim my life. Being healthy enough for day to day stuff, my relationship. Everything. I have my whole life ahead of me, and he doesn't get to be apart of it. I was in a hole for awhile there, but I'm crawling out and am going to be bigger and stronger. All my love, Katie

I know I can use these right now and thought you could too! KEEP FIGHTING! Katie

AND I WAS OK! I ran into my abuser the other day. I didn't acknowledge him. I will admit it brought up painful feelings, but I'm okay. I'm no longer a victim. I'm a survivor. To my abuser and my stalker, you no longer have control of me. I am taking my life back! It's my life and I love it!!! It was a very empowering but scary experience! STAY FEARLESS! All my love.... Katie

I've been thinking about it and I don't want to waste another second of my life on the likes of my abuser. I know he doesn't waste his life thinking of me. I am done!!  I have so much positive in my life, I don't even want to think of him! That's where I'm at today. Xoxo, KT

I was molested by my neighbor. It happened from 5th-7th grade. 3 years. I didn't know what he was doing to me was wrong or illegal. I thought it was okay since he was an adult. He never did anything to cause physical pain. He was gentle. Another reason why I didn't think it was wrong. Physically, I wasn't being put in pain, but mentally...I was. I was still scared though. I never said anything until one day I told my abuser's grandson who is 3 years younger than me. Months went by after me telling him then all of a sudden, the Monday of my Spring Break in 7th grade, a detective & social worker showed up at my house. I remember my mom coming to me crying saying that these people needed to talk to me privately. I wasn't in any trouble, just be honest. My abuser's grandson's parent were divorced so he was visiting his mom. He told his mom who contacted the police. My abuser was arrested that Monday. The detective had to come back a couple weeks later becaus...

It seems like every time things are finally going good & you're happy, something has to happen to ruin that. & it's not just one thing, it's a few different things. When it rains it pours I guess. You think you're healing & getting better & things are okay, but no. Everything comes crashing down & you're back where you were before. You try to have faith & put it in God's hands, but that's easier said than done. You're just left there wondering where it all went wrong so quick. ~Britt.

My friend's story was published. Check the link below to read.  http://www.unslutproject.com/2/post/2014/03/that-doesnt-sound-like-a-rape-to-me-that-sounds-like-a-horny-teenage-boy.html

Here's a video my friend Stephanie put together. Please check it out!!! http://youtu.be/jgAU6eiSD1w - Katie

With the end of sexual assault awareness month being today, we wanted to do something special. These are words, from others survivors or just people who care, FOR YOU!  -Katie and Britt. "It is not your fault and you are not alone. Keeping silent won't make it go away. You are so much stronger than you think. You survived your ordeal and you WILL make it through recovery. Just remember that there are people who are and want to help, part of the journey is helping to lift each other up, to help each other find our voice so we can finally face the world around us and say "no more"."          -NightxVision on tumblr  "You are worth the fight to overcome this. Healing is possible, as is leading a life of possibility, hope, and joy. Although it may not seem like it now, it's going to get better. You're going to get stronger, and you'll bloom into a glorious flower. In the words of Maya Angelou, like dust, YOU will rise."        -Nicole "...

Today is the last day of Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. If you haven't been affected by sexual abuse, I really hope this horrible crime has been brought to your attention & you do something to help end it. If you've been abused, I hope you've learned a lot this month about sexual abuse, I hope you've spoke out & let your story be heard & most importantly, I hope you found a way of healing. I have struggled this month & hit my breaking point, but I've reached out & asked for help. I'm in the process of healing & I'm getting better. I will NOT let my abuser win or control me. I'm not his victim. I AM A SURVIVOR! Together we CAN end Sexual Abuse. Say NO MORE!!! ~Britt!

I used to put Taylor Swift's "Dear John" on repeat. Just to feel emotion, to be able to feel, express myself through her words. "Dear John, it see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think 19's too young...." On this trip, I was listening to Taylor, and I purposely skipped over it. I think I realized that I don't need her to express it for me anymore. I'm coming out and expressing it myself. I'm not ashamed of who knows. And, I feel my not wanting people to see me differently or call me mentally ill, was holding me back from really letting go. The truth is... Who cares if some people see me differently or make fun of my mental illness. Chances are they already saw me that way before they knew about it. And the people who matter, will still see me the way they do now.... Kind, caring, hard working, a survivor, etc. And that my friend, is all that matters. I am no longer ashamed. He should be ashamed, not me. Take gentle ca...

-Katie

-Katie.

-Katie.

I'm thinking back on things. I find when this happens, it usually best to go to a distracting place. Maybe a book or a quick nap. Maybe both. What do you do to distract yourself? -Katie