Becoming Katie Butterfly

So, yesterday, March 1st was Self Injury Awareness Day. I decided to make a blog on this. I self harmed from the time I was 14 until I was about 22. About 8 years and I've been completely clean for about 5 years. I starting cutting myself as a way to deal with the depression and feelings of deep despair. I cut all through out high school.  My scars used to bother me a lot. But, now I just think of them of reminders of everything I've come through and that I'm alive and a survivor. I survived high school, deep depression, many suicide attempts, rape, self harm. I'm only 26 and I already feel like I've lived a full life. But, now that all that darkness is behind me, I'm looking forward to a life of light, and endless opportunities. Will I still have bad days? Absolutely. But, I know the worst is behind me! I'm going to keep on living for today (and tomorrow) and kicking life's butt. I'm not just a survivor. I AM A THRIVER. Joyfully and Fearlessly thriv...

This is Jessica's story. Thanks for sharing your story with us. You are so brave and fearless!!    *********************************************** When Katie asked me to share my story on her blog I was elated. I had shared parts of my story a few months prior on my own blog ( girlwithamission.org ) so I was ready to jump right in and share even more of myself with you. I had a pretty normal childhood. I grew up with parents who gave unconditional love, a younger brother and sister who copied everything I did (it was annoying at the time- but they're my best friends now!), played sports and had a few friends. When I was about 10 years old until I was 12 I was sexually abused by my neighbor. He was about 4 years older than me, and he was cute. Of course I had a crush on him. He was the older boy next door. He also had 2 older brothers and my brother and I would play basketball with them all the time. They were older than us, but they let us play with them. We had fun. One day m...

Thank you Sam for being brave and for sharing your experiences with mental illness! You are incredibly awesome! Katie and Britt ************************** Mental Illness is a huge topic that I don't feel like is addressed properly or it's misconceived by the media, and posers. Since I was little I've battled and still pull through my mental disorders to this day. I struggle with Anxiety, Depression, and Body/Confidence issues. Everyday is a fighting battle, some take over more than others. It doesn't help either, when you have the public all around you, staring, judging, and bullying you or people that have the same issues as you do. I've been severely bullied throughout my life. I've had people tell me that they'll be there for me, and help me through my darkest times. Come to find out that not many people keep their promises. I've had so many people walk out of my life & say that they don't care about me anymore, and abandon me, and everything ...

So, I went to my medication doctor. Because of my PTSD and anxiety, we increased a med. And I know I can't blame this on my rpaist. Because it's MY decision, but if he hadn't hurt me I wouldn't be finding stupid ways to numb the pain. Not only am I depressed and have PTSD,  my anorexia has returned to help me turn off this... I don't even know. And have some control over my life... But who's controlling who? Even though I know I need to eat and get better, my mind is fighting it. Saying how am I going to deal with the crap when I can't numb it. I'm just tired. Does anyone want to take my hand and help me through this?  My best friend just walked out on me and I just need a friend. Someone to talk to, to laugh and just numb some of this crap. And she said the difference between wanting to lose a little weight and it being unhealthy (anorexia) is WHY I'm doing it.  And she wants me to go to my therapists' next group meetings o...

I was reading some of my old journals. I can only read so much at a time without getting depressed or triggered. The intense emotions of BPD and daily wanting to kill myself.... I'm so glad I'm not in that place now... But, at the same time I wish I could do something to help those that have that intense desire to off themselves. To tell them, yes, it does get better. It took me like 10 years but it did happen.  Don't listen to the voices in your head. People care. You are worth it. Killing yourself is not the answer. If you don't stick around you will never see just how amazing life is. And just what amazing things you are capable of! Just keep swimming, ok? Katie