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Showing posts with the label suicide

No going back - only forward

I have debated about whether to post this as a blog or not. But, I got so much good feedback on it, I decided yes - I would! Xo - Katie 6 years have gone by. I blocked what he had done out for 4 years until a memory, a flashback, a realization came in like a flood. And no matter how hard I wanted to, there was no going back. He raped me. He took my virginity and all my innocence. Right in my own bed. There are some things I will never remember. Like the day or days it happened. What exactly was said. But there are many things I do remember. It was right around my 21st birthday. My abuser's wife had even made me a special Tinkerbell cake as I LOVED Tinkerbell. Another thing he stole from me that night. I could never look at my Tinkerbell blanket the same. I remember him convincing my sick and over emotional mind that my neighbor was a predator and that he could protect me. I never imagined that the predator would be my friend's husband. That it was he I needed protecting from. H...

Self Injury Awareness Day

So, yesterday, March 1st was Self Injury Awareness Day. I decided to make a blog on this. I self harmed from the time I was 14 until I was about 22. About 8 years and I've been completely clean for about 5 years. I starting cutting myself as a way to deal with the depression and feelings of deep despair. I cut all through out high school.  My scars used to bother me a lot. But, now I just think of them of reminders of everything I've come through and that I'm alive and a survivor. I survived high school, deep depression, many suicide attempts, rape, self harm. I'm only 26 and I already feel like I've lived a full life. But, now that all that darkness is behind me, I'm looking forward to a life of light, and endless opportunities. Will I still have bad days? Absolutely. But, I know the worst is behind me! I'm going to keep on living for today (and tomorrow) and kicking life's butt. I'm not just a survivor. I AM A THRIVER. Joyfully and Fearlessly thriv...

My old journals.

I was reading some of my old journals. I can only read so much at a time without getting depressed or triggered. The intense emotions of BPD and daily wanting to kill myself.... I'm so glad I'm not in that place now... But, at the same time I wish I could do something to help those that have that intense desire to off themselves. To tell them, yes, it does get better. It took me like 10 years but it did happen.  Don't listen to the voices in your head. People care. You are worth it. Killing yourself is not the answer. If you don't stick around you will never see just how amazing life is. And just what amazing things you are capable of! Just keep swimming, ok? Katie