Becoming Katie Butterfly

This is Jessica's story. Thanks for sharing your story with us. You are so brave and fearless!!    *********************************************** When Katie asked me to share my story on her blog I was elated. I had shared parts of my story a few months prior on my own blog ( girlwithamission.org ) so I was ready to jump right in and share even more of myself with you. I had a pretty normal childhood. I grew up with parents who gave unconditional love, a younger brother and sister who copied everything I did (it was annoying at the time- but they're my best friends now!), played sports and had a few friends. When I was about 10 years old until I was 12 I was sexually abused by my neighbor. He was about 4 years older than me, and he was cute. Of course I had a crush on him. He was the older boy next door. He also had 2 older brothers and my brother and I would play basketball with them all the time. They were older than us, but they let us play with them. We had fun. One day m...

So, I felt the need to write this post because today one of my Facebook friends made the comment on this picture  That it was provocative. This upset me a great deal as I'm a survivor and learning it doesn't matter what we wear, that we still aren't asking for it. And this picture. Please tell me how it was provocative? The rape culture and how girls "should not" dress is very much real. And it's bullshit. How about guys not rape. And use it as an excuse to why it was ok! As for this friend who made the comment. This was not the first time I felt she was interfering with my recovery. So, I removed and blocked her.! Being apart of my life is a privilege, and if you can't be nice or supportive of me, I reserve the right to take away that privilege. I'm not a bad person, I'm sure she isn't either, but I have to protect me and my recovery. Guys, remember that you are never asking for it! NO MORE! -Katie

-Katie

I was molested by my neighbor. It happened from 5th-7th grade. 3 years. I didn't know what he was doing to me was wrong or illegal. I thought it was okay since he was an adult. He never did anything to cause physical pain. He was gentle. Another reason why I didn't think it was wrong. Physically, I wasn't being put in pain, but mentally...I was. I was still scared though. I never said anything until one day I told my abuser's grandson who is 3 years younger than me. Months went by after me telling him then all of a sudden, the Monday of my Spring Break in 7th grade, a detective & social worker showed up at my house. I remember my mom coming to me crying saying that these people needed to talk to me privately. I wasn't in any trouble, just be honest. My abuser's grandson's parent were divorced so he was visiting his mom. He told his mom who contacted the police. My abuser was arrested that Monday. The detective had to come back a couple weeks later becaus...

I used to put Taylor Swift's "Dear John" on repeat. Just to feel emotion, to be able to feel, express myself through her words. "Dear John, it see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think 19's too young...." On this trip, I was listening to Taylor, and I purposely skipped over it. I think I realized that I don't need her to express it for me anymore. I'm coming out and expressing it myself. I'm not ashamed of who knows. And, I feel my not wanting people to see me differently or call me mentally ill, was holding me back from really letting go. The truth is... Who cares if some people see me differently or make fun of my mental illness. Chances are they already saw me that way before they knew about it. And the people who matter, will still see me the way they do now.... Kind, caring, hard working, a survivor, etc. And that my friend, is all that matters. I am no longer ashamed. He should be ashamed, not me. Take gentle ca...

-Katie

-Katie.

-Katie.

I'm thinking back on things. I find when this happens, it usually best to go to a distracting place. Maybe a book or a quick nap. Maybe both. What do you do to distract yourself? -Katie

-Katie.

I decided that I would share my story! Mariska Hargitay and the show Law and Order: SVU have helped me so much  Open Letter to my attacker. My hopes in writing this letter is to let go of the pain, get my feelings out and burn it. Saying NO MORE to letting him have any power over me. What you did to me was WRONG WRONG WRONG! I was very, very sick. You KNEW that, yet you chose to take advantage of me anyway. You told me so many lies and I believed you. I really thought you were going to leave your wife to take care of me. I spent years hating myself for committing adultery. But, I know now that it was my illness and YOUR SICK NEED to use me to get what YOU wanted. I was a virgin, very naïve and did I mention SICK? But, you knew ALL of that! You DID every thing you could to get rid of Jeff, using ME to do it. You told me ANYTHING you thought would make me want you. You told me you could teach me about sex, how it was done right. You never asked if I wanted to, and me being sick and y...