Becoming Katie Butterfly

When I first made this art therapy piece back in February or March, I truly believed that 2015 was finally my year, but this tragedy and sorrow struck. I found out Jeff and I would not be able to legally marry as we had planned (May 6), and then my grandma died unexpectedly in April and I just felt like this was the worst year of my life. But, then I was offered a new position at work (which I absolutely love) and Jeff and I were married in the eyes of God in front of our family and friends on July 25. My year totally did a 180 and I truly believe that yes, indeed, even after everything that went wrong, that this is my year. I think sometimes bad things happen, so we can truly appreciate the good and not take everything for granted. Everything happens for a reason, in it's own time and way, and I am so incredibly blessed.  2015 is my year!  Katie Bug  

I've been thinking about what to blog about next. Lately, my nightmares have been back (probably brought on by the stress of losing my grandma) particularly the ones about my abuser's ex's family. With my latest one, I think I finally came to a realization. Even if I told them what he did to me....Whether they believe me or not...All the things I'm hoping to get from it, is not going to change anything. It won't change what happened to me and it won't change me from knowing the truth. And it probably won't change what they already believe or think happened. So maybe I just need to not care. Because, guess what? I know the truth. I know what happened and I believe myself. What everyone else thinks really doesn't matter. What I believe and know is all that matters! Fearlessly, Katie Ps. I'm Rocking that smile!!

So, I have been reading self help books on PTSD and I found this in a book I was reading today and I think it could help others as well, so I decided to type it up and blog about it. It is in the book "The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook" by Glenn R. Schiraldi Ph.D Let's all strive to be thrivers!! Katie Victim Helpless Out of Control Angry Hoping to be rescued Perception of lacking choices Self-pity Passive Payoff (secondary gains) persuade person to remain in victim role Identity as a victim In pain, numb, defeated Avoidance of feelings “I’m still in the trauma” Controlled by memories Controlled by depression, anxiety, hatred, bitterness, revenge, physical complaints Has not learned from the experience, likely to repeat trauma, victimization, shame, self-dislike Self destructive behaviors. Hiding Feeling Fragile, vulnerable, defenseless Sense of no future, preoccup...

Last week I sent an e-mail to Susie McEntire telling her my story, and today she responded. At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to share it as it's very personal, but then I thought it could help others too. Her words are bold. Katie, thank you for sharing your blog. See comments below:    Dear Susie, I am writing to you because you inspire me and I read somewhere that you  are a survivor too. I run a blog with another survivor friend of mine. I  just wanted to share something I wrote recently. I hope this gets to you and  if it does, thanks for reading it! "I go through periods of times where I don't know if what happened to me  was rape, assault, or my fault because the way the law is and because  victims want to place blame on themselves.   **these things are confusing to start with. Trying to fit a very dynamic  real life event into a "term" or category can be hard. However, it is not  necessary to categorize it from your hear...