Nightmares can lead to realizations!

I've been thinking about what to blog about next. Lately, my nightmares have been back (probably brought on by the stress of losing my grandma) particularly the ones about my abuser's ex's family.

With my latest one, I think I finally came to a realization. Even if I told them what he did to me....Whether they believe me or not...All the things I'm hoping to get from it, is not going to change anything. It won't change what happened to me and it won't change me from knowing the truth. And it probably won't change what they already believe or think happened. So maybe I just need to not care. Because, guess what? I know the truth. I know what happened and I believe myself. What everyone else thinks really doesn't matter.

What I believe and know is all that matters!

Fearlessly,

Katie

Ps. I'm Rocking that smile!!

Comments

Tara's story.

" Here is my story of how I grew up in a home that was surrounded by domestic violence. Growing up was crazy for me. My parents always argued. Before I was born my mother and real father used to fight always according to what my mother told me and what my sister and brother witnessed. But after I was born my father stuck around until I was like 2 or 3. That's when my stepfather began raising me. After that my mother and he would always argue. They got physical with each other. They got to the point where my mother would get a knife and try to hurt my stepfather. I remember one time she chased him down the stair and in order to escape from her, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. This happened when I was younger. She has had so much anger in her we didn’t know where it came from. There were other times where she got angry at me and threw figurines at me. One Thanksgiving Day I wanted to spend it at my sister house, this was when I was in middle school, and my mother wok...

The number will never be enough.

I have realized on this hell-ish journey of what they call anorexia, that the number will never be enough. I've been starving myself off and on since about February. First it was to lose about 10 lbs that I gained while my thyroid was under active. I started eating better but just ate less. I finally got back to my normal weight. And I decided I was gonna go lower. Mostly because I hate my breasts. So, I started cutting back on calories. Counting them on an app and a tracker that counted how many calories I had burned. I'm really not much of an exerciser, so I mostly just restricted what I ate, between eating normal on weekends or when with friends. Didn't want them to catch on and wanted to still enjoy myself and not put my life is jeopardy. Well, I'm at about 10 lbs away from what I called my goal weight. And the last few days I really restricted so I can finally reach the goal. I've agonized over getting help and eating right and just a constant battle with my th...

Victim, Survivor, Thriver.

Last week I sent an e-mail to Susie McEntire telling her my story, and today she responded. At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to share it as it's very personal, but then I thought it could help others too. Her words are bold. Katie, thank you for sharing your blog. See comments below: Dear Susie, I am writing to you because you inspire me and I read somewhere that you are a survivor too. I run a blog with another survivor friend of mine. I just wanted to share something I wrote recently. I hope this gets to you and if it does, thanks for reading it! "I go through periods of times where I don't know if what happened to me was rape, assault, or my fault because the way the law is and because victims want to place blame on themselves. **these things are confusing to start with. Trying to fit a very dynamic real life event into a "term" or category can be hard. However, it is not necessary to categorize it from your hear...

Becoming Katie Butterfly

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