Becoming Katie Butterfly

I've been thinking about it and I don't want to waste another second of my life on the likes of my abuser. I know he doesn't waste his life thinking of me. I am done!!  I have so much positive in my life, I don't even want to think of him! That's where I'm at today. Xoxo, KT

So, I felt the need to write this post because today one of my Facebook friends made the comment on this picture  That it was provocative. This upset me a great deal as I'm a survivor and learning it doesn't matter what we wear, that we still aren't asking for it. And this picture. Please tell me how it was provocative? The rape culture and how girls "should not" dress is very much real. And it's bullshit. How about guys not rape. And use it as an excuse to why it was ok! As for this friend who made the comment. This was not the first time I felt she was interfering with my recovery. So, I removed and blocked her.! Being apart of my life is a privilege, and if you can't be nice or supportive of me, I reserve the right to take away that privilege. I'm not a bad person, I'm sure she isn't either, but I have to protect me and my recovery. Guys, remember that you are never asking for it! NO MORE! -Katie

So today, another song, one -he- claimed to be our song came on the radio. First instinct is to say "I hate this song!" And turn it off.... Well, I was starting to do that when I made ANOTHER choice to not let him win. I turned the song, and even though I don't particularly like that song anymore anyway, I want it to be on my own terms. Today I chose fearlessness in regards to a song. Today, I won! -Katie

I was molested by my neighbor. It happened from 5th-7th grade. 3 years. I didn't know what he was doing to me was wrong or illegal. I thought it was okay since he was an adult. He never did anything to cause physical pain. He was gentle. Another reason why I didn't think it was wrong. Physically, I wasn't being put in pain, but mentally...I was. I was still scared though. I never said anything until one day I told my abuser's grandson who is 3 years younger than me. Months went by after me telling him then all of a sudden, the Monday of my Spring Break in 7th grade, a detective & social worker showed up at my house. I remember my mom coming to me crying saying that these people needed to talk to me privately. I wasn't in any trouble, just be honest. My abuser's grandson's parent were divorced so he was visiting his mom. He told his mom who contacted the police. My abuser was arrested that Monday. The detective had to come back a couple weeks later becaus...

We can heal together! -Katie

I've been afraid to share my whole story, beyond my brief letter to my attacker. But, seeing people come forward to tell theirs has inspired me to be brave too. "Katie's Story I was 21. Just barely 21. Before I get into it. Let me just say I’ve had depression, anxiety and a personality disorder since I was 14. At this time, it was the worst, I was not taking my meds. I was in and out of hospitals and just not functioning. Anyone who knows about or deals with Borderline Personality Disorder or other mental illnesses know how that goes.
 May I also add that to this point I was, well a technical virgin. I was raised in a very reserved, Christian family. And like many others, despite my illness, I was going to remain a virgin til marriage. Well, some time after I moved out on my own, I met my next door neighbor. He was several years older, but we became friends. He’d take me places, and we’d hang out and watch movies. Well, eventually we started to fool around. I was nervous, ...

" The youngest memory I have of my life is when my Grandmother and her husband was getting a divorce and he came after her with a shovel threatening to kill her, I was three years old. At such a young age, I kind of had an idea how some men were; my biological father seem to get off on the idea of somebody hurting and I was one of them...he would trip me and make me fall, push the swing so high that it would come undone, and let go of the wagon on top of a hill. It's amazing that I even survived my childhood. Not only did he enjoy seeing someone go through pain but he also got off on putting fear in my life...when I was little, apparently I was hungry and I tried to eat a plant, so to keep me from doing it again, he told me that if I got near any more plants, that they would come back and strangle me in my sleep; now I was only four at the time, so I believed him. Well if I did anything wrong, he would put me in the truck, with the windows down, riding through the woods...now ...

"It all started when I was in high school. I went to a very large high school and with me never being a very out-going person, I felt pressured to belong to a clique or to stand out in some way. I did well in school but was never very popular. Lots of girls end up having their first boyfriend and/or first kiss in high school and never of those things were happening for me, but I wanted it to. I was always jealous of the girls I saw walking through the halls with their boyfriends, making out with their boyfriends before and after every class, or seeing their boyfriends give them presents on their birthday or Valentine's Day or even just seeing girls getting attention from the jocks and all the other popular guys. I wanted a guy to pay attention to me and make me feel special for once, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I was doing wrong. Was I unattractive? Was I not smart enough? Was I in the wrong classes? Did people think I was stuck-up because I didn'...

My friend's story was published. Check the link below to read.  http://www.unslutproject.com/2/post/2014/03/that-doesnt-sound-like-a-rape-to-me-that-sounds-like-a-horny-teenage-boy.html

Here's a video my friend Stephanie put together. Please check it out!!! http://youtu.be/jgAU6eiSD1w - Katie

With the end of sexual assault awareness month being today, we wanted to do something special. These are words, from others survivors or just people who care, FOR YOU!  -Katie and Britt. "It is not your fault and you are not alone. Keeping silent won't make it go away. You are so much stronger than you think. You survived your ordeal and you WILL make it through recovery. Just remember that there are people who are and want to help, part of the journey is helping to lift each other up, to help each other find our voice so we can finally face the world around us and say "no more"."          -NightxVision on tumblr  "You are worth the fight to overcome this. Healing is possible, as is leading a life of possibility, hope, and joy. Although it may not seem like it now, it's going to get better. You're going to get stronger, and you'll bloom into a glorious flower. In the words of Maya Angelou, like dust, YOU will rise."        -Nicole "...

Today is the last day of Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. If you haven't been affected by sexual abuse, I really hope this horrible crime has been brought to your attention & you do something to help end it. If you've been abused, I hope you've learned a lot this month about sexual abuse, I hope you've spoke out & let your story be heard & most importantly, I hope you found a way of healing. I have struggled this month & hit my breaking point, but I've reached out & asked for help. I'm in the process of healing & I'm getting better. I will NOT let my abuser win or control me. I'm not his victim. I AM A SURVIVOR! Together we CAN end Sexual Abuse. Say NO MORE!!! ~Britt!

I used to put Taylor Swift's "Dear John" on repeat. Just to feel emotion, to be able to feel, express myself through her words. "Dear John, it see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think 19's too young...." On this trip, I was listening to Taylor, and I purposely skipped over it. I think I realized that I don't need her to express it for me anymore. I'm coming out and expressing it myself. I'm not ashamed of who knows. And, I feel my not wanting people to see me differently or call me mentally ill, was holding me back from really letting go. The truth is... Who cares if some people see me differently or make fun of my mental illness. Chances are they already saw me that way before they knew about it. And the people who matter, will still see me the way they do now.... Kind, caring, hard working, a survivor, etc. And that my friend, is all that matters. I am no longer ashamed. He should be ashamed, not me. Take gentle ca...

-Katie

-Katie.

-Katie.

I'm thinking back on things. I find when this happens, it usually best to go to a distracting place. Maybe a book or a quick nap. Maybe both. What do you do to distract yourself? -Katie

-Katie.