Becoming Katie Butterfly

Hi guys! It's Katie. I've been in a slump of depression ever since I ran into my rapist last week. But, I got a chance to see my therapist today and that really helped. I've been dealing with the guilt of not saying no, and was it really rape then. She asked me. "If you had said no, do you think he would have stopped." the answer is. No he would not have. Plain and simple. I've been reading and it turns out a lot of times survivors end up with an eating disorder. I already had one as a teenager and the stress of everything and trying to control SOMETHING in my life has led back to it. I'm trying to reclaim my life. Being healthy enough for day to day stuff, my relationship. Everything. I have my whole life ahead of me, and he doesn't get to be apart of it. I was in a hole for awhile there, but I'm crawling out and am going to be bigger and stronger. All my love, Katie

There. I said it. I wasn't going to write this, wasn't even sure what to say. But, to remain silent is what this disease wants. In my teens I "dabbled" with eating disorders, but it was never anything major. The past few months have been really hard on me, emotionally. Dealing with my abuse, dealing with becoming a young woman. I didn't want my body to change, become someone I had no idea who that was. And deep down inside, I wanted to be sick, to look gross, to show my rapist that I'm not anything he would "want" etc. That was crazy.  I need to be healthy. For my relationship, my job, and my life in general. I can't say I'm going to get better over night. But, I am going to try! With all my love, Katie