Nightmares, Feeling Empowered & Other Random Things

So, last night/early this morning I had another nightmare about my abuser. I could clearly see him in my dream and yes that part was upsetting.

The empowering part was how I stood up to him, named him for the monster he is and I told him off. I won't go into details. But it felt so empowering to be able to stand up to him and for myself. May I continue to have this strength.

Today, is kind of a down day for me. Jeff and I were supposed to be married today but because of some unfortunate downsides we were not be able to. Bummer, huh?

I'm also still hanging in there from losing my grandma. Can't believe it's been a week since we buried her. I guess time really doesn't stop, even as much as we want it to.

Jeff and I have moved into our new place and we are loving it. A fresh start is just what we needed.

I also ordered a late birthday gift. My favorite American Girl Doll of all time, Addy Walker. I do hope she arrives soon.

In the mean time today, I am self caring with a movie. Then I need to do some organizing in the spare room.

All in all, I'm hanging in there. I haven't been defeated yet.

In Jesus' Name, I find the strength to press on.

Katie Bug

Comments

Tara's story.

" Here is my story of how I grew up in a home that was surrounded by domestic violence. Growing up was crazy for me. My parents always argued. Before I was born my mother and real father used to fight always according to what my mother told me and what my sister and brother witnessed. But after I was born my father stuck around until I was like 2 or 3. That's when my stepfather began raising me. After that my mother and he would always argue. They got physical with each other. They got to the point where my mother would get a knife and try to hurt my stepfather. I remember one time she chased him down the stair and in order to escape from her, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. This happened when I was younger. She has had so much anger in her we didn’t know where it came from. There were other times where she got angry at me and threw figurines at me. One Thanksgiving Day I wanted to spend it at my sister house, this was when I was in middle school, and my mother wok...

Self care, sleep and all that important stuff

I've been trying to work on my self care and give myself the love and care I deserve. I haven't been sleeping well, at all. My doctor wants me to have a sleep study done to see if we can figure out the last 2% of why I'm not quite coming out of my last major episode. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to meet with someone in sleep medicine and go from there. In the mean time I'm working harder on my self care, and being good to myself. Today I have been enjoying watching my Monk, smelling my lovely candles and a yummy smoothie. Hoping to get some answers tomorrow. And that's where I'm at right now. Xoxo, Katie Butterfly

Stephanie's story.

" When I was in my mid-teens, I was sexually assaulted. When I was in my mid-teens, I was taught my sole purpose on this earth was to be of service to men, to be a sexual object, not a human being . After being assaulted, everything I thought I knew about myself crumbled. I became an object, not a person . The deep seeded shame society taught me was mine to bear crippled and silenced me. I was taught that what happened to me was my fault. I walked the hallways at school with my head tilted to the floor and my books tightly wrapped around my chest. I didn’t have to look up to know everyone was whispering to each other about me as I walked by. “Did you hear, she cuts herself, what an attention whore”, “Did you know she was drinking the other day in class? She’s crazy”. Little did they know about the pain I was feeling inside, how every day I would wake up hoping it would be my last. After my assault, I felt so alone and the only way I could release my pain was to wage a war a...

Becoming Katie Butterfly

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