Nightmares, Feeling Empowered & Other Random Things

So, last night/early this morning I had another nightmare about my abuser. I could clearly see him in my dream and yes that part was upsetting.

The empowering part was how I stood up to him, named him for the monster he is and I told him off. I won't go into details. But it felt so empowering to be able to stand up to him and for myself. May I continue to have this strength.

Today, is kind of a down day for me. Jeff and I were supposed to be married today but because of some unfortunate downsides we were not be able to. Bummer, huh?

I'm also still hanging in there from losing my grandma. Can't believe it's been a week since we buried her. I guess time really doesn't stop, even as much as we want it to.

Jeff and I have moved into our new place and we are loving it. A fresh start is just what we needed.

I also ordered a late birthday gift. My favorite American Girl Doll of all time, Addy Walker. I do hope she arrives soon.

In the mean time today, I am self caring with a movie. Then I need to do some organizing in the spare room.

All in all, I'm hanging in there. I haven't been defeated yet.

In Jesus' Name, I find the strength to press on.

Katie Bug

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Psych appointment

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The number will never be enough.

I have realized on this hell-ish journey of what they call anorexia, that the number will never be enough. I've been starving myself off and on since about February. First it was to lose about 10 lbs that I gained while my thyroid was under active. I started eating better but just ate less. I finally got back to my normal weight. And I decided I was gonna go lower. Mostly because I hate my breasts. So, I started cutting back on calories. Counting them on an app and a tracker that counted how many calories I had burned. I'm really not much of an exerciser, so I mostly just restricted what I ate, between eating normal on weekends or when with friends. Didn't want them to catch on and wanted to still enjoy myself and not put my life is jeopardy. Well, I'm at about 10 lbs away from what I called my goal weight. And the last few days I really restricted so I can finally reach the goal. I've agonized over getting help and eating right and just a constant battle with my th...

Becoming Katie Butterfly

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