Becoming Katie Butterfly

I've written letters to my abuser (you know, the kind you don't actually send) and a little while ago I wrote one to my abuser's wife, as a lot of my guilt and pain was stemming from that angle too. I've been told it was very powerful so I thought I would share it here. Along with a past letter to my abuser. Dear ******* I'm so sorry that I took your love and friendship you offered me and stomped on it. You were so kind to me. Even making me a Tinkerbell cake for my 21st birthday. I'm sorry I took your husband away from you and your precious kids. I'm sorry that now you forever have those memories carved in your mind. That when you were pregnant with ********, your sister's best friend took your husband. I'm sorry you see me as the one who took your husband away. I'm sorry that you don't know the truth. And that I still can't tell you. I was raped. I would never do the things you and your family think I am. I am sorry I hurt yo...

Self care today? Monk! And then off to work this afternoon for my last shift this week. I am feeling stronger this week. He is not going to hurt me. I now have that power. & I know if he ever tried I have some amazing friends who would have my back! You people are amazing! I'm a survivor, and one step at a time I am moving towards thriver. Sometimes it's a few steps backwards and other times it's a few steps forwards. I know I am making great strides in my journey and I thank YOU for being an amazing part of it!!!  "Try once more, like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita." Yes, I'm going to just keep swimming and keep making my baby steps as I sing a new song.  XOXO, Kater Chiquitita

So, I have begun doing some art therapy to help me deal with all the heavy emotions I have been going through. To get them out in a healthy way. It's been tough lately, dealing with anger towards him, anger and fear of him. What I would say or do if I see him. I'd like to think I would be a bigger person and not let him get to me. I don't know. The most important thing is if I do run into him, I know I am not that same vulnerable person I was when he hurt me before. And he preys on that. He can't hurt me anymore. Because I won't let him. That's right, I now have the power over that. Taking back control, taking back my life & can I just say how thankful I am for my friends who have my back? You know who you are and YOU ARE AMAZING. I really needed to talk last night and you took the time to listen to me. THANK YOU! And I also wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite songs because it totally fits the kind of person you are, Mary. Chiquiti...

I wasn't violently abused, but I was still raped, and I'm still a survivor. I never said no, but I never said yes either. It wasn't consent. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. I still doubt what happened wasn't my fault. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. I knew the guy and was friend's with his wife. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. All the excusing out there don't matter. I was still raped and I'm still a survivor. Yes, I was raped and I'm a survivor. Katie

After being stressed and bogged down by the hustle and bustle of the holidays and our jobs, Jeff and I finally have a night to hang out! Eating pizza and watching Monk is on the menu for tonight. I'm very thankful for a couple days off and to spend time with my honey. Here's to good self care and family time! I hope your weekend is wonderful as well! Xoxo, KatieBug