I was a Girl, Interrupted

This quote described my illness and feelings to a T. I do know what it's like to wanna die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I spent many years of my life being a girl, interrupted. I'm not ashamed anymore and I want others to know that they aren't crazy.

You aren't! Some people just feel things more intense than others.

I'm going to share some quotes from things I wrote in my journal during some of my dark times.

"I’m just feeling so blue and I have no clue why. My eyes are watery for no reason. I feel like I’m going to cry, but why? Why am I sad?"

"I just want to cry, die, laugh, scream, bounce, sleep and everything at once. What is the matter with me? Do you ever get like that? I feel suffocated and it gets to a point where I’m about ready to jump up, run away and hide. Do you ever get like that? I don’t know what my problem is."

Now about 10 years later I am almost a completely different person. I'm in remission. I still have my bad days but my intense motions are at bay. It does get better.

You aren't alone. If you ever need to talk our inbox is always open. Fearlessrecovery13@gmail.com

You are loved!

Xoxo,

Comments

The number will never be enough.

I have realized on this hell-ish journey of what they call anorexia, that the number will never be enough. I've been starving myself off and on since about February. First it was to lose about 10 lbs that I gained while my thyroid was under active. I started eating better but just ate less. I finally got back to my normal weight. And I decided I was gonna go lower. Mostly because I hate my breasts. So, I started cutting back on calories. Counting them on an app and a tracker that counted how many calories I had burned. I'm really not much of an exerciser, so I mostly just restricted what I ate, between eating normal on weekends or when with friends. Didn't want them to catch on and wanted to still enjoy myself and not put my life is jeopardy. Well, I'm at about 10 lbs away from what I called my goal weight. And the last few days I really restricted so I can finally reach the goal. I've agonized over getting help and eating right and just a constant battle with my th...

Self care, sleep and all that important stuff

I've been trying to work on my self care and give myself the love and care I deserve. I haven't been sleeping well, at all. My doctor wants me to have a sleep study done to see if we can figure out the last 2% of why I'm not quite coming out of my last major episode. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to meet with someone in sleep medicine and go from there. In the mean time I'm working harder on my self care, and being good to myself. Today I have been enjoying watching my Monk, smelling my lovely candles and a yummy smoothie. Hoping to get some answers tomorrow. And that's where I'm at right now. Xoxo, Katie Butterfly

Tara's story.

" Here is my story of how I grew up in a home that was surrounded by domestic violence. Growing up was crazy for me. My parents always argued. Before I was born my mother and real father used to fight always according to what my mother told me and what my sister and brother witnessed. But after I was born my father stuck around until I was like 2 or 3. That's when my stepfather began raising me. After that my mother and he would always argue. They got physical with each other. They got to the point where my mother would get a knife and try to hurt my stepfather. I remember one time she chased him down the stair and in order to escape from her, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. This happened when I was younger. She has had so much anger in her we didn’t know where it came from. There were other times where she got angry at me and threw figurines at me. One Thanksgiving Day I wanted to spend it at my sister house, this was when I was in middle school, and my mother wok...

Becoming Katie Butterfly

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