Skip to main content

Dear John

My version of Taylor's Dear John. No, it's not a song. It's another "letter" to my abuser.



Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone.

The law may not say you did anything wrong. But, you and I both know that you did. I know what you did. I may not be calling you directly out on what you did but I'm not staying quiet about it either.

I should feel no shame. What other people think or what they think they know doesn't matter.

You may never go to jail, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to keep myself in this jail either. I don't belong there.

I deserve to be happy and loved and to have a bright future. And I'm going to. You tried to take that all away from me but I'm stronger than that. 

I may want to hit you with a rubber mallet but the best I can do is not give you power. And believe it or not, I'm trying to pray for you. Pray that God helps me through this and pray that someday you realize how wrong you were. It won't be easy, but maybe that's all I can do now.

I don't know. But, I'm taking the blame off me. 

Dear John, I hope to say goodbye to the memories. That when I see a yellow car or hear certain words that I will not freak out. I hope to have an amazing life with Jeff who truly loves me and not what you did get in the way. If I keep talking about this, praying and holding onto the support I've been given, I believe I will be able to.

Dear John, it's time for me to say goodbye.

Katie



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The number will never be enough.

I have realized on this hell-ish journey of what they call anorexia, that the number will never be enough. I've been starving myself off and on since about February. First it was to lose about 10 lbs that I gained while my thyroid was under active. I started eating better but just ate less. I finally got back to my normal weight. And I decided I was gonna go lower. Mostly because I hate my breasts. So, I started cutting back on calories. Counting them on an app and a tracker that counted how many calories I had burned. I'm really not much of an exerciser, so I mostly just restricted what I ate, between eating normal on weekends or when with friends. Didn't want them to catch on and wanted to still enjoy myself and not put my life is jeopardy. Well, I'm at about 10 lbs away from what I called my goal weight. And the last few days I really restricted so I can finally reach the goal. I've agonized over getting help and eating right and just a constant battle with my th...
1 comment
Read more

Self care, sleep and all that important stuff

I've been trying to work on my self care and give myself the love and care I deserve. I haven't been sleeping well, at all. My doctor wants me to have a sleep study done to see if we can figure out the last 2% of why I'm not quite coming out of my last major episode. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to meet with someone in sleep medicine and go from there. In the mean time I'm working harder on my self care, and being good to myself. Today I have been enjoying watching my Monk, smelling my lovely candles and a yummy smoothie. Hoping to get some answers tomorrow. And that's where I'm at right now. Xoxo, Katie Butterfly
Post a Comment
Read more

Tara's story.

" Here is my story of how I grew up in a home that was surrounded by domestic violence. Growing up was crazy for me. My parents always argued. Before I was born my mother and real father used to fight always according to what my mother told me and what my sister and brother witnessed. But after I was born my father stuck around until I was like 2 or 3. That's when my stepfather began raising me. After that my mother and he would always argue. They got physical with each other. They got to the point where my mother would get a knife and try to hurt my stepfather. I remember one time she chased him down the stair and in order to escape from her, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. This happened when I was younger. She has had so much anger in her we didn’t know where it came from. There were other times where she got angry at me and threw figurines at me. One Thanksgiving Day I wanted to spend it at my sister house, this was when I was in middle school, and my mother wok...
1 comment
Read more