Always in my heart

You may be gone, but you have not left my heart. And you never will. That's the empact you made.

I think of you and I smile. You were always so quiet and I loved that about you. You always laughed at me and the silly things I would say and do. Our girl time was precious to me. You taught me a lot about beauty and helped me feel beautiful. And I always felt better having you to talk to whether it was serious or my random babbling.

You didn't just come into my life. You forever have left a mark on it.

Sometimes I sit and cry because I think of you and just miss you. I know it's okay to cry. Even if we never talk again, I will always love you. I hope you think of me once in awhile and remember the good too.

Love always,

Katie aka Reba :)

Comments

Taking back my life one lil step at a time

Happy Monday, you fearless readers! I had fallen into a deep depression, but I have clawed my way out and I'm ready to continue taking back my life one little step at a time! I'm choosing self care over self medication. And I'm focusing on my present and so positive relationship instead of the past. My abuser got my past but he does not get my present or future! I'm focusing more on all the positives and blessings in my life. I'm being fearless and choosing Joy! How about you? Are you with me?! Yes! Yes! The darkness doesn't last forever. I'm proof of it! Fearlessly and Joyfully, Katie💗💗💗💗

The number will never be enough.

I have realized on this hell-ish journey of what they call anorexia, that the number will never be enough. I've been starving myself off and on since about February. First it was to lose about 10 lbs that I gained while my thyroid was under active. I started eating better but just ate less. I finally got back to my normal weight. And I decided I was gonna go lower. Mostly because I hate my breasts. So, I started cutting back on calories. Counting them on an app and a tracker that counted how many calories I had burned. I'm really not much of an exerciser, so I mostly just restricted what I ate, between eating normal on weekends or when with friends. Didn't want them to catch on and wanted to still enjoy myself and not put my life is jeopardy. Well, I'm at about 10 lbs away from what I called my goal weight. And the last few days I really restricted so I can finally reach the goal. I've agonized over getting help and eating right and just a constant battle with my th...

Psych appointment

So, I went to my medication doctor. Because of my PTSD and anxiety, we increased a med. And I know I can't blame this on my rpaist. Because it's MY decision, but if he hadn't hurt me I wouldn't be finding stupid ways to numb the pain. Not only am I depressed and have PTSD, my anorexia has returned to help me turn off this... I don't even know. And have some control over my life... But who's controlling who? Even though I know I need to eat and get better, my mind is fighting it. Saying how am I going to deal with the crap when I can't numb it. I'm just tired. Does anyone want to take my hand and help me through this? My best friend just walked out on me and I just need a friend. Someone to talk to, to laugh and just numb some of this crap. And she said the difference between wanting to lose a little weight and it being unhealthy (anorexia) is WHY I'm doing it. And she wants me to go to my therapists' next group meetings o...

Becoming Katie Butterfly

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