So.... I feel like writing.
Sometimes I feel like I need constant validation that I'm a survivor and not at fault. I don't know if it's normal or if it's just another weird quirk of mine. But, I need to hear from my friends that I'm loved, that it wasn't my fault. It helps me to believe it too.
Also, in group this last week we learned about opposite emotions... Like, right now all I want to do is crash into bed with the covers over my head? Am I tired? Yeah, sort of, but I got a good night's sleep. I know myself and I know it's me wanting to avoid the world, to stop the pain for awhile.... So, instead of that, I am going to do something else. Maybe a movie since it's chilly outside.
I'm thinking a comedy or family movie.
I WANT to watch some SVU but worried it will trigger me and really send me wanting to hang in bed.
So, to play it safe, I am sticking with lighter material.
So... For me today the opposite of laying down/long nap/want to shut out the world emotion is watching a good movie.
On Sunday the opposite of my fear of heights, was making myself go on the roof.
Little steps at a time...
Sometimes I feel like a baby crawling, but as long as I'm moving in a positive direction, that's okay.
So, I'm gonna just keep on swimming, keep on singing and praising God, and keep on praying to Him.
Because with Him and my friends, we got this!
Katie Marie
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